TMI Thursday: Spice up the Marriage

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

OK my lovely children and two friends who read this, click away, quick, you want like this one AT ALL, read the title again and you will understand.  CLICK AWAY!!!

Now for Too Much Information!!!

I am always reading magazines and all their tips on parenting and marriage advice, so it makes sense that I read the sex advice too!!  My husband being the diplomat loves to refer to the magazines as my ‘girlie’ magazines.  I know you are just wondering how in the world I have managed to live with my little piggy for 22 years but in defense to Anthony he really isn’t a TOTAL PIG, he just SAYS things more than he ACTS on it, ugh!!!!

Well, I was reading one of my GIRLIE magazines and it was giving suggestions on how to spice up your sex life.  Of course, I was interested.  Our children were small, we had been married a while and we basically were living the ‘quickie’ life style.  For married couples with young kids they totally understand what I mean.  I decided I needed to keep MY MAN happy and I could probably do a suggestion or two.  I will admit I am what one would call a  TRADITIONAL LOVER!!!

Well, the magazine suggested using household products, um.. Food items down you know where instead of always purchasing fancy schmancy oils.  Hell, we never purchased fancy schmancy oils.  They suggested chocolate syrup, maple syrup, jelly, peanut butter, whip cream or spreadable cheeses.  I thought, OK, I can try that, it isn’t too kinky for me and Anthony would like me to be the aggressor and yada, yada, yada.

So, that night I get the kids settled in bed and I put something nice on and tell Anthony to come to bed and he knows that is a gooooood thing.  Now, I say, “I read something in my magazine (he rolls his eyes but he doesn’t care because it is leading to what he wants) and I thought we would try something new.”  Anthony says,  “Sure, what?”   I pulled out our Strawberry Jelly Jar and  a Knife.   Anthony says, ” Um. Lucy, no problem I know what to do with the Jelly, but what in the hell is the knife for?”   My eyes open super duper wide and Anthony says, “Oh, my God, did you think I was going to spread the Jelly on you with a knife, and what dip it back in the Jelly Jar if I need more?” 

We laughed so hard, I don’t even remember if we did the Jelly that night, I think we did, but the KNIFE was never used and Anthony LOVES to bring the knife up from time to time.

What can I say, I’m a traditional gal!!!!